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And theolder I got, the more intense the battle became. To this day, I am notsure what my family knew. Surely they suspected something. Every time Iwas alone I tried on my mother's clothes, jewellery and makeup, andonce there was a big scandal when my mother discovered that her cliponearrings had disappeared. But I felt that I would rather die than allowthe secret to be discovered. I felt ashamed by my "perversion." Why doI have to be like this? Why can not I be like all the other boys? Lifeis so much easier for them! The place and time I was born did not offerany acceptance for trans people. And the hormone therapy was out of thequestion. I think it is still highly problematic in Russia, but it wassimply impossible at that time. Therefore I was trapped in my body andwas afraid to even talk to anyone about it. I thought I was sick andtried to "cure" myself with willpower. Once I took a knife in my handand wished that I could cut "this perversion" out of me and literallykill the part. He was turning up my annoyance meter. ‘And just how do you know that?’ ‘Because I’m going to collect intelligence before I create the plan. I have what I think Sun Tzu considered the most valuable asset in a campaign – a reliable spy. And after I collect all the intelligence, I can target his weaknesses. I can plan surprises to negate his strengths.’ I sat there conveying my displeasure with his smugness, but I wasn’t sure amusement wouldn’t be more apt. ‘You know, you can help construct this plan. Hell, you can do it yourself. Just approach it like a battle. Make decisions based on information and an assessment of how he will react. Don’t just toss up some oh-I-guess-I’ll-do-this plan.’ That didn’t soften it, even though he was right. When I got over being angry, I would teach him how you get what you want without making people resent you. ‘If you haven’t gotten this in some business course, you probably will this year. A lot of business schools teach approaching negotiations,.
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